Craziness

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5


This hit me like a brick this morning!  Since the closing on "Faith Cottage" we have been in almost a dead run. At least that is how it has felt. We closed, and moved and moved and moved. It took about a week to get everything out of the rental and into the house. Then, the work began. We were barely unpacked when the remodeling began.

I have been overwhelmed with all of it. The work,the dust and the blessing!   Plaster, wood and drywall create A LOT of dust. We would wake up in the morning and don our work clothes, and punch holes into walls, carry out plaster to the dumpster, move cabinets, discuss how many outlets and lights we were going to need, whether we should purchase a window now or later, what color paint, how much drywall did we need to purchase, and on and on.God kept blessing us, and we kept pushing Him to the side to work. As a result. I am exhausted and sick. (fighting a cold for about a month!) The exhaustion is catching up and everything in my life isn't helping. Three of the kids had birthdays in November and I was unprepared. Thanksgiving and Christmas programs, driving class and trips just seemed to frustrate me. Don't get me started on Christmas. I was over that when they started putting Christmas items out in August. Really, we can't wait until after Thanksgiving for the holiday to start? Yes, I have started bah-humbugging the wonderful season of Christmas. Enter the lack of Trust and leaning solely on myself!

It has always been a hard month for us financially. It comes on the tail of three birthdays and Thanksgiving. Not to mention, shopping with rude people isn't exactly my cup of tea. (No, not everyone is rude, I just seem to find them the day I go out shopping. That or they find me) Getting back to my point. I kept leaving God out of my time.

I kept using the excuse, the boys are spread out over the living room, I have no place to sit and read. They were spread out and the house was a pit, but it was an excuse.

Lately, I have been seeing and hearing a lot of excuses. Excuses come from everyone and everywhere.  I hear it on the radio, read it in the news, see it on the television, from my children and myself. There is always a reason for why you did or did not do something.  I was in the middle of cleaning something, (can't remember what at the moment.) and it it hit me.  "Why don't people own up to their failures? Why don't I own up to my failures? I want praise for my successes but I won't admit when I make a mistake. Why?  Isn't it through my mistakes and failures that I learn?  

So, I am going to admit my failure today!
I have not been giving God much attention lately! No huge lessons learned while running around like a chicken.  I have been leaning on my own understanding for everything. I have given Him little but lip service.  It's driving me NUTS! I keep longing for that deep relationship with Him, wanting to be deeply intimate with Him. I want HIM. I stand scratching my head and wondering why I don't have exactly that.


Ever heard of complacency?  The dictionary defines it as: self-satisfaction especially when accompanied by unawareness of actual dangers or deficiencies. 


The synonyms are quite convicting.  To hear them describe oneself is uncomfortable to say the least.  That is what I had become.  I was just existing without an understanding of the dangers that were around me.  No, I was not in physical danger that I was aware of but I was in spiritual danger and I had turned a blind eye to it in the name of busy-ness. Complacency in faith is never a good thing.  It leads you to lean on your own understanding.  The pronoun YOU takes the throne that only belongs to GOD! You fails to acknowledge God and relies solely on self.  Not a good thing.  Selfishness is not pretty. Failure to acknowledge GOD at all leads down paths that would never had been taken with HIM. Even ones that seem little, like not reading the Bible, or attending church, watching shows that you would never watch with Him, or listening to music that would offend Him.  Those lead to other paths that become muddier, and muddier the farther you go down them.  The farther down you go, the less you can see of God from that path.  Then without realizing it, you are so stuck that you don't know if you can or want to go back. The dangers of complacency.  More dangerous than most want to admit.  


So, again I admit failure. The complacency crept into  too many parts of my life. I blamed everyone and everything else for my lack of relationship. In the words of our president "It's time for a change!"  


So, Proverbs 3:5 is the challenge for now!

  

Next Steps

"Is my most important consideration in every undertaking whether

or not God would be glorified?" -Beth Moore

I have this quote written inside the first pages of my Bible to remind me that EVERY undertaking should be first taken before the throne of God. I'm sorry to say that it doesn't always happen in my house or in my choices. It's more of an afterthought. {shock!} It shouldn't be that way. I know that when I had to do something that I was uncomfortable with, I went to God about it on and off for almost two months. I had people praying for me about it. The result, I was blessed beyond measure! So much so that I am still smiling from the blessings!

But what about the laundry? Yes, the laundry. Do I thank God for even having the clothes on my back or the pile of never ending clothes to wash? Now, if you ask some, they would say never having to do laundry again would be a blessing for them. For me, it's a reminder of the five beautiful children and a wonderful husband that I have. Do I always enjoy doing laundry? No, okay, sometimes I do. I like seeing piles of clean towels and sheets. Hangers with shirts and jeans on them. Now, socks...that a different story! ;-) But I want my children to see what a blessing they have with even the clothes they own. I have seen too many articles lately on the poverty stricken world. Now, according to the American culture, my family is poor. But to the two-thirds majority I am wealthy. To me, I am wealthy. (forgive me, I digress)

Now, on to the point of Next Steps. Next Tuesday morning we take the next step in purchasing the house. We close. I know, I know, that is not the next step.. but emotionally and spiritually this is the NEXT STEP. And it's a HUGE Standing Stone for us as well. It's the stone labeled Trusting God. Now enter the consideration in undertaking this event. Am I, or Russ considering whether or not God with be glorified in this? Most would say of course. You are setting roots for your ministry, you are saying that you are investing in your town and your congregation. But really, I am not here for them. So, is it my consideration with making this purchase whether God with be glorified! Absolutely. See the trusting God part, is a wrestling match I've been having for about six years. I have trust issues. (just reading the news would give someone trust issues!) I struggle to believe people to be honest and forth-right with me. (long, drawn out drama!) Wrestling with Him began with being hurt. He said, Trust Me. It hasn't been a pretty match. Mainly I'm the one crying and covered in mud and tears. But, the result...trust.

The Merriam-Webster's app on my phone gets a lot of use now a days! I am so thankful to have it. Homeschooling aside, it helps clarify my understandings of words, and thoughts. So I looked up the word trust.

According to Merriam-Webster the definition for trust is as follows.

1 a: assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something.

b: one in which confidence is placed.

2 a: dependence on something future or contingent : hope

So, with that in mind. The next steps in purchasing a home is that I am stepping out in trust, that God has a plan for our choices. Through that plan, He will be glorified. So, trust, and taking every undertaking before Him, before we execute it; making sure that He will be glorified in it and through it. We just have to be obedient in the choices we make within this plan.

Faith Cottage is going to become a reality. Trust me she's not the prettiest house, but as I saw one blogger put it about her house, it is on a very pretty street. We have several projects ahead of us in making Faith Cottage a home where others can come to be loved, encouraged and taught about Christ. In the meantime. I will share my struggles here, placing Standing Stones to remind me of what He has done and is doing in my life and the lives of my family. On Faith Cottage, I will post pictures of the house...(I have some but we are doing another walk through on Friday so I will have better photos, I hope.) There I will journal our progress of transforming our house into Faith Cottage! Okay. Now, where is the packing tape and a box???

Smiles,

S

Moving forward..and trusting.

I just told a friend. I'm packing, Trusting God to handle the details that need to happen within the next 22 days.

Yep, that is right, 22 days for us to wrap up the purchase of a home, pack, home school, serve, travel...and pack some more. I told my friend, that if God changes His mind...I'll unpack. But in the mean time, I am going to keep moving forward. And even if He says no, I don't want to think of it as a bad thing. I, had to take this step of faith.

Trusting God for next steps, futures, children, family and friends is never easy. It's a choice. We have to make a conscience decision. It doesn't always just happen. Sometimes, when the world around you tells you your beliefs are foolishly placed, you have to stand firm. Choose! I have read it in several places, heard several preachers teach it, that you should have an answer ready for those times when the enemy attacks. Because it doesn't matter from where it comes from, it is still an attack from our enemy.

Fear, isn't not of God. Sadly, I have lived in that for the past several years. Fear of being hurt, again. Fear of disappointment, again. But I kept looking at myself, not Him. That is where my heart is supposed to be, with Him. Trusting that He will guide my path. If I abide in Him, He will abide in me. If I trust in His understanding and not my own. I have nothing, to fear. I have to trust that His plan for me is bigger and better than anything I can think or plan.

So, as I wait..I will move forward in my waiting, I will box up my possessions once again, trusting that whatever His decision. He has a plan. I just have to be willing to listen and obey.

Hiccups

Have you ever had hiccups? You know those annoying little spasm that happens in your diaphragm, that make it nearly impossible to get anything done while you have them? I looked up the definition of the word. I wanted to know if my understanding was correct. While I had thought that the physical definition was a muscle spasm in the throat, (guess I should have paid better attention in anatomy class!) The meaning I was looking for was there.

hiccup -A temporary or minor setback or difficulty. Sounds like it could apply to both the physical and the emotional, and spiritual as well.

Today, I had a hiccup, well, several hiccups. Well, it was a hiccup in trust. Earlier, I stated that I do NOT like to wait. Begin..Hiccup #1. Today was a day, that was supposed to be informational, our house inspection. But, this cold rainy day, brought the hiccup. A roof in need of repair, an attic with some mold in it, ...the other things we had already been aware of, but not the roof. We were concern about it but not expecting the amount of wear that it had or, the leak in the attic, and the mold as well. I hesitate. Concern comes to the forefront. Uh oh, are we making a mistake with the house, should we change our minds now? Okay, this is where the annoying part of the hiccups happen. It kept reoccurring. My lack of trust in God's leading. My reason? We had begun packing last night. And I didn't want to stop and wait. Who would? The closing is set for the end of October. We need to pack a lot of stuff, for a lot of people.

But God in His mercy, kept reminding me of His plans, and that His ways, are not mine. He reminded me, of what we had prayed about and discussed before that if this did not go through, that it was His will. We had already been down the path of pushing our way into a house, we had no business purchasing. We did not want to repeat that mistake. I had already given this over to Him. I was content where I was. But, I had started choosing my plans, over His. He wants us to wait.

So, now I am going to sit and wait. I am curious to see what it is that He is actually going to do in this. I am content, with my huge stack of empty boxes around me...to wait.

Summer's End

Summer's over? Umm..okay?!?! Lol, no, really! I didn't realize it was over on the calendar today!

For me, having to put on a jacket every morning to walk the pups, seeing my breath at night when we run, the fact that my furnace, not my A/C was on, was the sign that Summer was over. To be honest, this year, it makes me sad! My oldest daughter Kaite, is a senior this year. I'm not ready for that! She is a beautiful young woman, but I'm not ready...not yet.

This Summer, has been a hectic one, especially for the girls who were busy! We made new friends, and I was blessed to be asked to help redecorate a few rooms in my friends home. I just came up with the ideas, she did most of the heavy work! We played, we swam, we fished (okay, the boys and daddy fished), we visited with family, we had a beautiful veggie garden! We road bikes, and we began jogging! (and if you know me, you know that that was a big thing!) We sat outside on the front porch, with coffee and Bibles, or coffee and Jazz. We rested. okay, not really...we were busy most of the Summer, but I'm not ready for Summer to end.

I don't have photos of the kids playing in the pool, or D learning how to ride his bike without training wheels, or Oscar the pup, playing with Gimili the cat, or of my dear hubby trying to teach the kids how to use a bow. I have the memories. I keep forgetting the camera! Too busy doing to take the photos. That and I can't seem to take pictures as pretty as Kaiti does. (the one above is hers)

This Summer ends, with me fretting over papers to grade and a house to pack up! I want time to stop, or at least slow down. I'm not ready for Summer to end. But there is a season for everything. So, I am thankful for this Summer, and the memories I have of it.

I'm taking a deep breath...looking forward...trusting that the next day, the next step will be directed by the LORD.

The Journey Begins...again?

(photograph by Kaite.Lance)

Well.. Now we wait.

Wait, now we wait?

Indeed.

We went on Monday to the Mortgage office and filled out papers galore. Now we get to wait. Wait for underwriters, wait for inspections. Wait for answers. I do not like waiting! Never have....more than likely I never will.

But God says to wait, so wait I will. Trusting that this next step we take in faith that He has been the one leading this.

"And without faith it is impossible to please God,

because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists

and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him"

~Hebrews 11:6

This passage has been rolling around in my head since yesterday. I must remember that I must step out in faith, once again.

Trusting the word God spoke in Jeremiah 29:11 "I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD."

I can not please God without faith.. Believing that He has the best plan for our family. Trusting His Word, when He says, "I will direct your path."

So, the next step, waiting in faith, that Faith Cottage is in HIS hands. That is where the journey begins. (get ready, we are about to stand up an Ebenezer Stone)

Another Stone to Add

photographer unknown

We are in the process of purchasing a home. A modest 1950's ranch in a small town. It has potential. But for me, it comes with fears, and uncertainty. Some, most, unfounded. But with raising and homeschooling five children, I get a bit ansy when it comes to money. Purchasing a home is a HUGE step for me.

Bring in the stone. As I have said before Standing Stones or Ebenezer Stones were erected by the Hebrews as a symbol of what YAHWEH had done in their lives. This house, if we can purchase it, will be such a stone. It is a symbol of the changes He has made in my life.

Sixteen years ago, I made a decision. I chose, with the leading of the Holy Spirit, to change the course of my life. I chose to follow Christ. Never turning back and looking at the life I left behind in longing. I can honestly say, that life as a Christ follower, has not always been an easy walk, but when I remind myself of the life without Him. I don't hesitate. Without Christ all I have is death. Along the way, He and I have erected markers. Stones that represent the changes YAHWEH made within my life.

This time, I grow from young woman with young children, to an older woman with a child getting ready to finish high school. I am having to step out in faith, in so many areas in my life right now. My children, my health, the health of my parents, my future and even my own belief in who I believe God to be.

If everything goes well. I will begin chronicling the adventures of FAITH COTTAGE. It is the name of our home. It has been, ever since we were homeless. Faith Cottage is and will be a home where our Theology and our reality shine! (straight from Beth Moore's Believing God)

So, if you want, you may watch as I raise another stone, as a marker for what YAHWEH has done in the simple life of a servant.

I want to share the process.

...Here we go!